His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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