He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
