we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
