I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
