I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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