what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
