i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
