textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize