The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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