nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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