Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
