Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
