Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
