So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
