Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
