Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
