dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
