I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
