She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
