I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
