I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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