She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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