Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
