she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
