I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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