You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
