Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
