im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
