i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
