I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
