I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
