i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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