Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
