Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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