Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
