How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
