3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
