I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
