I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
