I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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