do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
In America we eat man semen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
