Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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