so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
