Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
