i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
