TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
