she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
