He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
