While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
