first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your cock deserves a montage
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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