VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
