My first STD was from a foam party
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
