Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
