Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
