How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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