ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
