We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
