Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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