Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
