My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
