I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
