chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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