I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
