We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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