It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I look better un-naked...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
