if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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